I sat in the bed scrolling through Google and About Us pages of local churches. It was early, and I woke up with the same thought I’ve had for a while now.
“Maybe it’s time.”
This post isn’t the easiest to share, and it’s certainly not good PR in a part of the country where asking “where do you go to church” is often a spiritual litmus test.
I grew up in church. For many years you’d find me there at least three times a week. The community I had and the purpose I felt about my position within the worship team made it seem like a joy and privilege, not a task or obligation.
The story of three-days-a-week to three-years-absent is a long one I’ve written previously. It’s less dramatic than one might assume, more of an “it’s me, not you”.
As my faith evolved over the years, I just slowly found myself feeling uncomfortable, losing interest, not seeing where I fit in, questioning organizational structures, feeling like I was going through the motions.
I worried my questions and doubts, particularly at my lowest point of tearing all of deeply held beliefs apart, might exclude me from the homogenous fold. A quiet withdraw seemed more appropriate than the dramatic clashes you often hear about. I had nothing to prove, no one to convince.
Now that I’ve exited the “deconstruction” phase, moved past much of my cynicism, and started focusing on what the “reconstruction” or new paradigm looks like, I’ve started feeling that pull again to the concept of church.
And don’t get me wrong, I’ve had “spiritual community.” I can’t imagine my life without the loving and caring relationships that have walked with me these last few years. I’ve been growing and trying to help others grow too.
I’m talking about Sunday morning, bringing the casserole during loss, structured, organized, same building every week thing we call church.
I recently asked the question online: Do you go to church? Why or why not? And guess what? We all have A LOT in common, from the good to the downright heartbreaking.
There were some common themes...
And some of the negatives too...
I wonder what I was looking for all those times I searched Google and read About Us pages? I wonder what each of us, who currently have a somewhat complicated relationship with church are looking for?
Yes, community. That’s obvious from the answers I gathered. But more specifically, what would you hope to read when your curiosity led you to that “Who We Are” page of a church’s website?
I’d honestly love to know, whether through the comments or a direct message. I have no grand conclusions today, just a hope that all of us on this journey to know God more can continue the conversation.