A weekly blog about relationships, belief, and personal growth, written from a position of hope.
I really admire a person's ability to communicate. I love great speakers and teachers, but more than eloquent speech, I appreciate the willingness to communicate. In relationships and in work it saves everyone precious time (see previous post), but the fear of being frank keeps us from moving forward.
In sales I've gotten pretty good at recognizing the shrouded no's:
"Can you leave a card? Do you have a brochure? I've got your info, I'll call you. Just email me. Let me run this by the wife. Follow up with me. I need to think, pray, meditate, consult a psychic, wait for the stars to align..."
The list goes on and on.
You chase guys for months. You email, text, call back and forth, only to receive some variation of the shrouded no.
How do we confront the fear of being frank with others?
I've gotten pretty blunt lately. I'm just tired of wasting time. I want to give guys an opportunity to stop being passive and give me an answer. It goes something like this:
"Look Joe, I've done this long enough to know when someone may be too nice to say no. If this doesn't make sense, no big deal. I have thick skin. If it truly does, awesome. What can I answer to help inform your decision?"
The dialogue that follows is almost always one of two things:
1. An actual no
2. A real answer on how to move forward
It's a breath of fresh air for me and the other person. We are inundated with unclear messages all day every day.
How often have you heard this dialogue?
You: "Hey, do you want to hang out? We are all going to dinner and then someone's house."
Your friend: "I might stop by!"
That's annoying. You either want to come or not. You either have plans or you don't. Make a decision.
How do you confront the fear of being frank with yourself?
I'm guilty of it, too, but I'm trying to take a new approach. I want to be 100% in with all my endeavors. My answer is either "no way" or "heck yes."
Otherwise, you lead people on. You waste time. You commit to things you don't really care about. You train yourself to be lackadaisical, luke-warm, wishy-washy.
Tell somebody no this week. Call someone you've been sending "might stop by" texts. Answer a sales person that you want to do business with but have procrastinated in giving an answer.
Simply put, just say what you mean.
You haven't missed your calling
From where I sit in this hospital waiting room
Accept the invitation to live
The lighted window
It was worth it
The subtle sounds of a life together
Made for the now-what
When holidays are hard
Sharing in our suffering
To my doubting friend
Ten years down the road
How long, Lord?
A season of doubt