A weekly blog about relationships, belief, and personal growth, written from a position of hope.
Do you ever have dreams that leave you disturbed for the first hour you’re awake? Half the day has gone by, but you keep thinking about the feeling you had when you first woke up. In a recent dream, I was supposed to be watching my godson, Solomon, but somehow managed to lose him.
In hindsight, it’s kind of humorous. The dream didn’t make any sense. Solomon can’t walk, and I would never just put him down and leave. It felt so real, through!
I remember frantically searching and running and asking everyone I saw if they had seen him. Terror, shock, fear, sorrow...it’s amazing the emotions our brains can fabricate from imaginary scenarios.
When I woke up I still had the pit in my stomach. Relief washed over me when I was alert enough to know it was just a dream. I sat there feeling like my mind ran a race while sleeping. It took a while to fall back asleep.
Not all dreams are that dramatic, of course. I often find myself back in school, realizing I had not attended a math course all semester and the final was that day. Naturally, the final is the one thing standing between me and graduating.
My teeth often fall out, too. Just last night they started from the molars and went forward throughout the dream. Apparently that means I’m insecure according to some psychologists.
Our subconscious is an interesting concept. It’s always listening, always taking in information, receiving impressions from everything we look at, hear, smell, taste, feel. It’s the silent observer that can expand the depths of our imagination or haunt us in our sleep.
Complaining, criticizing, condemning—whether from our own lips or the lips of others, it shapes us. Negativity, pessimism, cynicism—they mold the subconscious in ways we don’t acknowledge.
Have you ever met a person whose circumstances were hard by any definition, but they just seem to have a joyful demeanor that can’t be shaken? And the opposite—someone who seems to always find something wrong in every scenario, regardless of circumstances.
We don’t give enough thought to our thoughts, like I wrote about last week on the the stories we tell ourselves. We largely paint our own reality and shape the lens through which we see. We get what we think about most.
I’m constantly fighting the negative default mode, and as cheesy as it sounds, I’ve made it a point to really control what I let in to my mind these days. It’s making a difference, too. I’m prone to the melancholy, but I can already feel a change in a short period of intentionally crafting the messages I’m feeding myself.
Maybe my teeth will stop falling out, and I won’t lose any more babies. Who knows, maybe I’ll even finally pass that math class and graduate now that I’m a decade removed from high school.
You haven't missed your calling
From where I sit in this hospital waiting room
Accept the invitation to live
The lighted window
It was worth it
The subtle sounds of a life together
Made for the now-what
When holidays are hard
Sharing in our suffering
To my doubting friend
Ten years down the road
How long, Lord?
A season of doubt