A weekly blog about relationships, belief, and personal growth, written from a position of hope.
There’s a fine line between being vulnerable and “TMI,” so I will try to consciously stay on the side of constructive honesty. I am against using an online platform to air grievances about your personal life, so my hope is that a few simple confessions will more or less inspire you to look inwardly, not make you feel like “dad hit mom at the dinner table.”
The risk of posting My Every-Day List is giving a false impression of who I am. I am not a fine-tuned, well-oiled, highly efficient machine. I’m a work-in-progress, and that involves daily struggles. I ended the last post describing the “reality” of how I often fall short of the standards I set for myself, but acknowledged each day is a new grace-filled opportunity to press on.
"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness," said Brené Brown.
For the sake of truth and courage and strength, and to elaborate on my reality, here are five vulnerable confessions:
1. My hope is secure but my emotions aren't always.
There is a tension between having eternal hope yet feeling affected by temporary trials. I know I am loved by the creator of the universe, yet I am devastated by the created. Last year contained monumental change in the department of family and relationships, and although I know God is sovereign, it doesn’t change the fact that (in my body of death) my heart has felt broken. In the same moment, though, I feel conflicted, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that my joy, my peace, and my hope is in Christ.
2. Accountability is a must for me.
I meet with two friends and fellow church members every Monday to talk about the struggle of sin. We call it connecting at weakness. I choose accountability, not because I'm a “good Christian,” but because I'm actually a really bad one. Paul called himself the chief of sinners. We have something in common in that regard.
3. Control has been a little god of mine for much of my life.
I've always been pretty good at affecting the situation, whether it be school, work, or relationships. Last year painfully taught me a lot about trusting God and letting go of the things that are legitimately out of my control. It was emotionally painful being broken of that control, but I have much more peace now than ever before.
4. I grow restless and discontent very quickly.
Part of it is from creative tendencies, which is okay, but the other part is a heart issue. I'm idealistic in a lot of ways, and I frequently have to claw the rose-colored glasses from my face. I have an uneasiness that speaks to me, “you aren't doing enough, you haven't accomplished anything, time is running out, etc.” I worry about getting older and not leaving a legacy or having a grand impact. My solace: I know great things start with small, intentional changes in my day-to-day. My friends and my family are my greatest investment and adventure, and I have to remind myself of that daily.
5. I haven't mastered the “morning person” habit.
Consistent morning routines are a common thread among most great leaders, and I desperately want to be a morning person. I can't seem to make it stick...yet.
To summarize why I think this is valuable...
Courageous people are vulnerable. Vulnerability leads to confession. Confession breeds healing. Healed people are whole people. Whole people lead with confident power.
Any brave soul willing to share one of your own?
You haven't missed your calling
From where I sit in this hospital waiting room
Accept the invitation to live
The lighted window
It was worth it
The subtle sounds of a life together
Made for the now-what
When holidays are hard
Sharing in our suffering
To my doubting friend
Ten years down the road
How long, Lord?
A season of doubt